Dear Down-Trodden Lover

We finally have spoken

Instead of using texts and a strew of missed phone calls

I was surprised you would even attempt to hear me out

After our recent downfall

I didn't get a chance to try and explain my point of view

All you keep telling me is you don't care, let it go, and have started a new

I have become a blur, a whirlwind, a tornado of emotion

All I seemed to do for you was stir the pot and cause a commotion

The things I need to say are more than ever eating me up inside

While I may not have made the best decision, I am still human and was too full of pride

You have told me I lack empathy

Which I realized maybe you were right

Sadly though Its too late and I never let go of my point of view without a fight

I understand my confusion and how your heart must have felt betrayed

I didn't know if I could have emotions for you, when my previous ones hadn't fully gone away

You told me you won't invest yourself in someone who wasn't true

And after our delightful week and a half together I knew what I had to do

It wasn't that I was afraid of catching feelings too

But I couldn't be with someone who was giving me a 100% when I was only capable of reciprocating a mere 52

I meant it when I said I was genuinely intrigued when we spoke and listened to what you had to say

But I was afraid with my 52 percent return rate , your heart would begin to feel eaten away

So I did something immature and sent it in a text

I didn't have the guts to call and tell you face to face because to try and explain seemed too complex

With that said and done I did what seemed like a complete 360

How can I be with you when my heart is still healing and my head still feeling dizzy?

It didn't seem fair when I still had thoughts of my past at least once a day

Even though I haven't spoken to him recently I know it could never stay that way

What new lover wants to hear the first girl he's adored in 2 years

is nothing more than a fraud

The roller coaster I put you on was selfish and unnecessary

While I do miss your companionship, I knew I was being unfair

The fact that I am planning on leaving soon would also seem to be a buzz kill for any new romance

I suppose the point of this letter is to put it all into words

The things I haven't gotten a chance to say, the thoughts in my head that go unheard

I am not writing this to ask for forgiveness or for you to come back into my life against your will

I am not trying to be selfish or cause more confusion

I just want you to know you meant more than some obscure girls delusion

The things I spoke to you about, my fears and hopes and dreams

were all so very real, despite how it may seem

I worry now you will be a potential good friend who has slipped away

Even though we hardly knew eachother before

I would hate to have it all come to an end

If it will take time to regain your trust

I will wait patiently, while I hope you discover you meant more to me than a bought of lust

With this letter written down for you to see

When and if your ready maybe friends we can be

I am sorry for the pain I caused

I am sorry for the hurt

I know I have come off as a seemingly arrogant, careless jerk

Inside I do have a heart

Though it is hidden by a veil of ice

To know that you could forgive me and understand would be quite nice

Wherever our paths lead us, I hope they cross again

You inspired some of my best writing

And with that all said this poem shall crawl to an end

I will mutter sweetly into the night sky, something for the poet who one day I hope will again be my friend